From: Randy Wagner <wagners1@swbell.net>
To: "'Breutzman, Mark and Jean'" <breutzmw@aol.com>, "'Brigham, Linc'" <lincolnb@ix.netcom.com>, "'Fetterley, Ian'" <fetterley@houston.sns.slb.com>, "'Franklin, Travis and Carolyn'" <hitsbbop@flash.net>, "'Hagen, David'" <dhagen@pobox.alaska.net>, "'Hausmann, Charles'" <CHausmann@UH.EDU> To: "'Simpson, Robert'" <rsimpson@net1.net>, "'Tucker, Greg'" <gat@flash.net>, "'Weber, Betsy'" <BWeber@UH.EDU>
Subject: William...TELL! A new Opera
Date: Sat, 29 Aug 1998 17:59:58 -0500
Truly one of the best yet in this joke genre...thanks to Marc Shellum for passing this along.
Randy
Here's a new opera based on the tragic tale of our Gigolo in Chief William...TELL!
Opera Pasticcio in Tre Atti
Musica di Wagner, Rossini, Bellini, Verdi, Mozart, Donizetti, & Puccini
Prologue sung in German, Opera in Italian
PROLOGUE: THE BOTTOM OF THE POTOMAC RIVER
A green faced Linda Tripp (contralto) rises Erda-like from the bowels of a darkened stage to announce to the audience that she has tapes and will soon be using them to bring down the current government: "Alles was ist, endet..."
ACT I, SCENE I: THE OVAL OFFICE
Il presidente Guglielmo (baritone) is seen in private conference with press secretary Michele McCurry (tenor). In the aria "Il Publico e mobile," Michele cautions Guglielmo that even though his poll numbers are high, the public can be fickle. Guglielmo disdains his secretary's advice in the cavatina "E scherzo od e follia" reminding Michele that if luck is with you, you can fool most of the people most of the time. In a mystical coda however,the "not so Celestial Voice" of deceased former President Riccardo Nixon is heard offstage warning Guglielmo "Ti guarda dal Grande Inquisitor."
ACT 1, SCENE 2: A SECLUDED WASHINGTON BISTRO
Monica (soprano) meets Linda (contralto) and in the great duet, "Mira, O Linda," confesses to having been La Favorita del Presidente. A seemingly sympathetic Linda leans closer, takes Monica's hand, and in the cabaletta the two women pledge eternal friendship and to stick by the "talking points" no matter what. Upon Monica's departure, Linda consults with her literary agent, and general factotum Lucia Ann Citta d'Oro (Mezzo Soprano). In the charming patter duet, "All' idea di quel metallo..." the two ladies discuss the financial ramifications of their proposed course of action.
ACT 2, SCENE I: THE LINCOLN BEDROOM
Waking to find herself alone in bed again, La Prima Donna degli Stati Uniti, Illary (Dramatic Soprano d'agilita), laments her "Cruda Sorte." In a stirring cabaletta, she then calls on all the powers of hell to help her in curbing her husband Guglielmo's infidelities.
ACT 2, SCENE 2: VARIOUS BOUDOIRS, BACK ALLEYS, BLASTED HEATHS, ETC...
To the whispered strains of the chorus, "Zitti, zitti, piano, piano" a group of the Grande Inquisitor's minions gather information about the activities of Il Presidente. Soon, they are followed by members of the international press corps singing "La Calunnia," when they, in turn, are joined by a collection of ordinary citizens. These diverse forces combine to end the act with the Grand Fugue, "Tutto nel mondo e burla."
ACT 3, SCENE 1: THE GRAND JURY ROOM
After the somber opening chorus "Possente Starr," Monica takes the stand. In her aria, "Una voce poco fa" she explains how she was first sweet talked into the Oval office by Il Presidente. She goes on to testify that she managed to save one of her old cocktail dresses in an effort to stay several spins ahead of the spin "...e cento trappole, faro giocar..."
ACT 3, SCENE 2: THE WHITE HOUSE, AUGUST 15, 1998
Il Presidente begins his televised Grand Jury testimony with a full confession aria "Your Honor, Il Catalogo e questo," finishing up with the lines "...in Alabama seicento e quaranta...Ma in Arkansas, son gia mille e tre..." He leaves the stage while the Grand Jury deliberates in "Giorno d' Orrore," when suddenly Illary bursts in holding a bloody kitchen knife in one hand and I Gioielli del Presidente in the other. In her startling "Scena di Pazzia" she describes her encounter with her husband in the Red Room shortly after hearing his sworn testimony: "Guglielmo, finalmente mio!" ending with her parlando cry: "...E castrato, or gli perdono!"
ACT 3, SCENE 3: SEVERAL WEEKS LATER - THE WHITE HOUSE PRESS ROOM
In the brilliant Aria di Bravura "Sempre Libera," the now transformed Guglielmo (countertenor) tells the world press that since he has been finally set free from his baser instincts, he plans to resign the presidency, and devote himself to the study of authentic performance practices in Baroque opera. He is now singularly equipped (or unequipped) to do this.
EPILOGUE: THE STAGE OF THE NEWLY RESTORED TEATRO LA FENICE, VENICE
As the curtain rises, former Presidente Guglielmo is seen dressed in full Baroque splendor accepting the vociferous applause of a fashionable Fenice audience. He has just concluded what has obviously been a very successful appearance in a gala revival of Handel's "Giulio Cesare," singing the primo castrato part. Guglielmo motions to Illary, sitting in the audience, to join him center stage. The couple embrace, after which the former leader of the Free world, now Primo Soprano gets down on one knee and sings the simple phrase "Illary, perdono, perdono, perdono" to which she responds "Piu docile io sono e dico di si..." The opera ends triumphantly with full chorus and principals singing "Eviva il Cotello..."
I WELCOME ALL LISTERS TO SUGGEST CASTING FOR LEAD ROLES...DON'T LET TIME STAND IN YOUR WAY... IF YOU THINK TETRAZZINI IS RIGHT FOR MONICA, SIGN HER UP...
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